Why You Don’t Need Closure — You Need Peace
Hey, Friends!
So, I’ve been binge-watching this Netflix show called Cheat, the one where people who’ve been cheated on get to confront their partners. And every time someone says, “I just need closure,” I’m over here shaking my head like, “Nah, fam, you don’t need closure to move on.”
Honestly, watching them dig up all this old hurt just to reopen wounds? Chiiiille, that’s chaos on a platter. And I’m like, Jesus take the wheel because this mess is NOT the vibe.
So, here’s what I want to chat about today: closure.
Closure Is a Myth — Here’s Why
Breakups happen ALL the time, and sometimes out of nowhere, sometimes with zero explanation. Maybe you got ghosted, maybe they cheated and dipped like it was a Netflix special, or maybe they hit you with the classic “It’s not you, it’s me” and vanished. And suddenly, you’re stuck with all these questions swirling in your head:
Why did this happen?
What did I do wrong?
What if I’d said the right thing in that last conversation that never even happened?
Here’s the gag: You don’t actually need closure.
Closure is this cultural myth we tell ourselves, like, you have to get a clean, neat ending with every question answered so you can “move on.” But guess what? Closure keeps you holding on to something that’s already done and dusted. It’s like trying to keep a ghost on a leash.
Why? Because closure is really about control. You want to control the story, get that last word, and make sense of it all so your brain can chill out. But healing? It doesn’t work like that.
What You REALLY Need Is Peace
Here’s the truth: God isn’t saying, “Go chase closure.” He’s saying, “Go find peace.” And peace doesn’t need anyone else’s permission or involvement. Peace comes straight from God, and it’s the kind of calm that holds you steady even when you don’t have all the answers.
Philippians 4:6-8 nails it:
“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”
Peace means letting go of your need to control everything and trusting God’s plan, even when it feels confusing or unfair.
Why Chasing Closure Keeps You Stuck
When you’re chasing closure, you’re basically stuck on repeat; replaying the same conversations in your head, asking the same questions over and over. And when you don’t get the answers you want, you just spiral deeper into the “Why me?” rabbit hole.
Closure keeps you tied to the past like those Israelites wandering the desert for 40 years, refusing to leave Egypt even though it was straight-up slavery. Sometimes we clutch the pain because it’s familiar, even if it’s toxic, because the unknown? That’s scary.
How to Find Peace When You Can’t Get Closure
So, how do you stop chasing closure and start finding peace? Here’s the game plan:
Say it out loud: “This relationship is over.” Acceptance is your first step to healing.
Feel ALL the feelings: Cry, scream, journal it out; whatever you need. Let yourself grieve instead of bottling it up.
Write a closure letter (but don’t send it!): Get everything off your chest, the good, the bad, and the ugly, and then release it.
Ask God for peace: Pray for Him to fill those gaps where you’re still searching for answers. Trust that He’s got your back.
Lean on your tribe: Talk to your friends, family, or a therapist who gets it and can help you process what you’re feeling.
Final Thoughts
Closure sounds nice, but it’s not real, and you don’t need it. The best closure? It’s inside you, wrapped up in the peace that God freely gives. So, stop wasting energy chasing answers that might never come and start focusing on accepting, grieving, and soaking up God’s peace.
Remember: You don’t need closure. You need peace.
P.S. If this hit home and you’re like, “Okay, but how do I actually let go when I still feel stuck?” I got you. I go even deeper on this topic in the latest episode of the Untoxicify Your Relationship podcast. We’re talking real talk, practical steps, and how to let God bring peace into places that closure just can’t reach. Click below to listen to the episode (or find it wherever you get your podcasts)!
About the Author
is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Relational Wellness Expert who helps individuals and couples break free from toxic patterns and build healthy, purpose-driven connections. She is the founder of Purposeful Counseling and host of the award-winning podcast, Untoxicify Your Relationship, where she offers honest, faith-informed guidance for lasting relational transformation.
Melissa specializes in individual therapy, coaching, and emotional healing, blending biblical wisdom with evidence-based mental health tools. Her passion is helping people build healthier relationships rooted in timeless truth—not shaped by cultural trends.