That Ain’t Real: How to Spot a Counterfeit Relationship
Hey, Friends!
Today, we’re discussing something that might step on a few toes, but it needs to be said. We’re diving into authentic relationships versus counterfeit ones. Are you ready? I’m coming in hot.
Let me start with a story.
When I was 16, my first job was at Kmart. Yes, I’m aging myself. If you know about the blue light special, you already know what era we’re in. Anyway, I worked as a cashier. And back then, people actually used cash. Real paper money. Checks too.
As part of my training, we had to learn how to spot fake bills. And you’d think they’d just hand us some funny money and say “figure it out,” but no. They started by showing us the real stuff. We studied everything about authentic bills. The watermarks. The little red and blue fibers. The texture. All of it.
Then they gave us the fake bills. And guess what? We spotted them immediately. Why? Because we already knew what real money looked like. That lesson stuck with me.
The same thing goes for relationships.
If you know what a real one looks like, it’s easier to spot the fake. But some of y’all are out here studying the counterfeit first. Learning from social media, TV, broken folks, and messy situations. Then you wonder why love feels off. Baby, it’s giving counterfeit. Let’s fix that.
What’s an Authentic Relationship?
Authentic relationships are rooted in real love. God’s kind of love. That 1 Corinthians 13 type of love. The one that’s patient, kind, not jealous, not rude, not prideful, and definitely not self-seeking.
Here’s what it looks like:
You feel emotionally safe
There’s trust and honesty
You’re both growing spiritually and personally
You’ve got healthy boundaries
You’re both aligned with God’s purpose
An authentic relationship doesn’t pull you away from God. It pushes you toward Him.
What’s a Counterfeit Relationship
A counterfeit relationship is all surface. Looks good on the outside but ain’t got nothing solid underneath.
Here’s how it shows up:
Lack of boundaries and respect
More lust than love
It’s all about looks, status, or money
Control and manipulation
Dishonesty, deception, drama
The relationship becomes your god
Counterfeit love distracts you from your purpose. It keeps you in a cycle that looks like love but feels like chaos. And let me tell you, God is not in that.
Real Love in the Bible
Let’s take it to the Word because the Bible is full of examples of both types.
The Real Ones:
Jesus
The blueprint. Pure love. Grace, sacrifice, humility, truth. He didn’t come to be served. He came to serve. It’s the humility for me.
Abigail (1 Samuel 25)
Married to a fool named Nabal. He disrespected David and almost got their whole house wiped out. Abigail stepped in, used wisdom and humility, and saved the day. She aligned with God and helped David avoid sin. That’s what a partner does. She didn’t pull him away from God. She pushed him toward purpose.
David
Yes, David made some mess with Bathsheba. We’re not ignoring that. But what made David different was his heart. He was humble. He took accountability. He repented. And he stayed in relationship with God. He was loyal to his friend Jonathan. He respected Saul, even when Saul was trying to kill him. That’s what authenticity looks like. Imperfect but honest and rooted in truth.
The Counterfeits:
Delilah
Chiiile. She played Samson like a fiddle. Pretended to love him just to sell him out. It was all manipulation. All selfishness. Zero trust, zero respect, zero love.
Jezebel
Whewww. Power-hungry, manipulative, and had her man out here worshiping idols. She influenced a whole nation to turn away from God. Counterfeit relationships don’t just hurt you. They can mess up everything around you. Families. Friendships. Legacies. Be careful who you connect with.
Judas
He was right next to Jesus, watching miracles and still had a fake heart. He betrayed Jesus with a kiss. A kiss is supposed to mean love and respect. He used it for deception. His commitment was surface. His love wasn’t real. That’s counterfeit energy.
So How Do You Get the Real Thing?
Glad you asked. Because I’m not about to just read y’all and leave you hanging.
Deepen Your Relationship with God
Not the surface kind. I’m talking about prayer, Bible study, worship, and being in community with believers. You can’t expect to recognize godly love if you don’t spend time with the God of love.
Get You a Nathan
Everybody needs a Nathan. That friend or mentor who will call you out with love and truth. Someone who says “you trippin” and still helps you get it right. In other words, get you some wise counsel. Therapy counts as wise counsel, too.
Set Boundaries
Boundaries are not walls, they’re fences. You decide who gets access to your space and peace. Love people, but protect your heart.
Know Your Flags
Red flags. Yellow flags. Green flags. Learn yours because what’s a deal breaker for you might not be for someone else. Get clear on what’s healthy and what’s not.
Check the Fruit
Matthew 7:16 says you’ll know them by their fruit. Watch their actions, choices, and words. Are they producing love, peace, growth, kindness, and accountability? Or is it chaos, confusion, and selfishness?
Final Question For You
Does this relationship pull me closer to God or push me away?
If it’s not pointing you toward purpose, peace, and growth, then baby, it might be counterfeit. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I know this was a lot and I might’ve hit some nerves. But I’m not here to sugarcoat and I want better for you. I want you to have real love, God’s best, not just what looks good for Instagram.
You deserve the real thing. The type of relationship that heals, has purpose and, of course, has Jesus at the center.
So let’s stop settling for the counterfeit and start walking toward what’s real and authentic.
P.S. If this hit home and you’re like, “I think I might be in a counterfeit relationship,” I got you. I go even deeper on this topic in the latest episode of the Untoxicify Your Relationship podcast. We’re talking real talk, practical steps, and how to let God bring peace into places that closure just can’t reach. Click below to listen to the episode (or find it wherever you get your podcasts)!
P.P.S. Purposeful Counseling has a TON of services you can benefit from. Therapy and Relationship Coaching are available for you to cultivate healthier relationships.
About the Author
is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Relational Wellness Expert who helps individuals and couples break free from toxic patterns and build healthy, purpose-driven connections. She is the founder of Purposeful Counseling and host of the award-winning podcast, Untoxicify Your Relationship, where she offers honest, faith-informed guidance for lasting relational transformation.
Melissa specializes in individual therapy, coaching, and emotional healing, blending biblical wisdom with evidence-based mental health tools. Her passion is helping people build healthier relationships rooted in timeless truth—not shaped by cultural trends.